she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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