she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
