He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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