You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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