I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
