Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
