Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
