Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
