Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
