The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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