mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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