He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
