Got a toothbrush?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
