the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
