yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
