One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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