Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
