so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
