Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
