Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
