i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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