Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
