Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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