i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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