At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
