i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
