Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
