Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
