He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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