I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
