Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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