Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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