I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
