dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
