it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
