Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
