her vagina looked like bernie madoff
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Two words: blizzard sex
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
