This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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