one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she peed on how many people?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
