Your face is a jimmy john
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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