Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?

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(407): View more from Florida

It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons

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(260): View more from Indiana

I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.

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(408): View more from California

I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you

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(404): View more from Georgia

May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.

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