we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
