watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
