I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
