my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
