Just fell off a train. Bad.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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