i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need to align my fucking chakras
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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