Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
