Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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