I'm drive I can fine osifer
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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