So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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