I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
